Home Study ~ Part 1

So we had our first Home Study on Monday evening. Our social worker, Kathi, arrived a little before 6pm. I was babysitting a couple of my favorite kiddeos overnight again and they were eating when she came in. They ate well at the table in the dining room while we started our visit. Of course after they were done, they were running around a bit. But they played with their toys and I read them a book (T's favorite one from me is "When is Saturday" - a story about Grover and his grandpa that's coming to visit. Grover even tells the story on a cassette tape that I play while flipping through the book. Yes, cassette tape - I used to listen to/ read that book when I was little!!). It was nice that Kathi could see how I interact with kids. I put the kids to bed after that and they both went down nicely.

The visit went really well. I loved talking with Kathi about everything... how we get along, live, interact with our dogs, each other and other people, etc. It doesn't seem as overwhelming now as it did before. Hubby and I have talked about adoption on and off since we got married and it seemed like there was too much to it and that it would be too hard for me. The hardest part at this point is waiting. Waiting for all the references to come in. Waiting for the home studies to be good and done. Waiting for news about a baby who's birth mother has selected us to be parents of. Waiting for the day that baby is born and in our arms. At this point we don't know of a baby, much less when we will get to meet him/her. But God does. He knows everything that's on my mind, in my heart, and He is in ultimate control of everything. He already knows what baby, where, when, etc. I don't always think about that or trust in that fully - but I know I need to. He wants me to fully rely on Him and not on when/where/what baby we will have as our own! If you have any advice, or bible verses that might help me right now, please let me know!  :-)

Anyway, the first home study was exciting and I can't wait for our second meeting this coming Monday. There's that "waiting" again  :-P   Oh well, God is with me and He will get me through this process with my hubby until we are parents!  :-)

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."  

Philippians 4:19

Here I am

My wonderful friend, Holly, wrote a great blog post on Confessions and explained wholeheartedly the truth about herself through examples. She did this in response to the perception that everyone has of others around them online. My friend, Mandy wrote about "Perception Management" and explained this same concept. Since Holly decided to do a True Confessions Link-Up because of the response she got on her blog, here are my confessions:

I don't read the bible as much as I should. I try to memorize parts of the bible and specific verses, but I don't read through books of the bible very much. I blame it on anxiety, and most of it is that (I can't focus on reading anything very much because my mind is always going); however, I'm being lazy too.

I still care what people think about me. I care what they think about how I look, dress, with/without makeup, etc. It's not very good. I'm working on that and am getting better; but not to the point where I don't care at all yet.

I feel like crying almost every time I see a mom and her baby. Or when people talk about making a blanket, clothes, going to a baby shower, etc. for their friend that's having another baby. I feel jealous, sad, angry, all at the same time. I want to be a mother so bad and it's so hard to wait.

I don't think that I'm worth much sometimes. I feel stupid when I don't know something and get corrected on it. I feel lazy when I don't clean or work much outside the house, but have been spending most of the day doing my Avon work while watching TV. Others seem to have found their "calling" and are busy working or being moms, etc. but I'm just stumbling around trying to figure out what it is that I'm meant to do.

That's all for now. Though there's much more, I will write more in a later blog.





Stay tuned, I'll be writing about our adoption meeting with the social worker tomorrow!!  :-)  Night!

Eeeek!

Yes, I'm a dork; you can look past that  ;-)

The title of my post is how I'm feeling at the moment!

So, today after church, I went to visit my mom and brother for a bit. That was fun; they always make me smile. I downloaded a new game: Fruit Ninja to my mom's new Kindle Fire and got my brother and mom addicted to it. I also set a bit of a high score on it for them to try to beat too!  haha

When I got home, I checked my email and saw that our social worker had emailed me back about our references and home study. She is coming out to our house for our 1st home study tomorrow! We are so excited. Everything is moving along nicely, and I'm glad to see God's hand in all of it!

I immediately got to cleaning and straightening up the house. Bad thing about living in the desert: dust accumulates after like 30 min! Oh well, at least my house is mostly clean and smells like Pine Sol  :-)


Another little project I finished today: An "H" wall! It's not completely done (I want to add some more "H"s over the years and our wedding year over our picture. But here's how it looks now:

Hopefully we will be able to add some baby pictures to our walls  ;-)
I'll post more about the home study tomorrow! Night!!

So We Begin

I'm not really a blogger, but I want to start writing my thoughts and feelings as my husband and I begin our journey into parenthood. We are looking into adoption right now. We haven't been able to get pregnant for almost 3 years. We have been praying and feel like God is telling us that adoption is for us. Hopefully it will happen soon. I feel like I've been waiting forever to be a mom. I've surrounded myself with friends and their children and I've had such great experiences and wonderful role models! (Thanks Holly) I've been babysitting every week where I take the kids for 2 days and it's been great practice (Thanks Heather L.)  :-)

My husband and I have been thinking about adoption for awhile now and as we just started paperwork and starting the home study soon, I want to document all of it. I want to be able to look back on this time in my life and remember everything! I know God is working in us to prepare us for parenthood and turned us to Himself even more. I know He will provide, though it's hard to understand now. We will need some help from friends and family, so if you feel moved to help us, thanks! I will write more soon. Thank you for joining us as our Journey BEGINS!  :-)