I've been reading Job lately and it's mind-boggling how, with all his loss, he still fell to the ground and worshipped God. Of course he was sad and cried out, but he never doubted God was in charge and he knew God would get Him through.
Job tried to understand why God would allow these things to happen to him. He wept and wished he was never born. But he never once cursed God and that's what proves his love for and faith in God.
Eliphaz the Temanite said to him: "But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. He provides rain for the earth; he sends water on the countryside. The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety." - Job 5:8-11
It's easy for him to say that to Job because he's looking onto Job's life but not sympathizing with him; he's telling him to stay focused on God. Job is upset, but mostly with his life, not with God. Eliphaz and the others don't see the difference.
Then, he cries out to the Lord asking what sins he has committed to be treated this way. He again asks why God allows him to go through this. But he knows God's anger. He knows not to argue with God even if he was innocent. He says "Even if I were innocent, my mouth would condemn me; if I were blameless, it would pronounce me guilty." - Job 9:20
He does feel sorry for himself because he's become the laughing stock of all his friends. He tells those trying to comfort him that they are horrible comforters. They say these things because they aren't in his place. Job replies to them and says "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from his mouth and lay his words in your heart." -Job 22: 21-22
Then God spoke to Job and Job knew he was unworthy to question Him. And Job replied that he knew God was worthy and a wonderful God. And the Lord blessed Job with twice as much as he had in the beginning and Job worshiped God and continued to thank Him.
I'm also reading "Holding Onto Hope" by Nancy Guthrie; my good friend, Holly, lent it to me and it's amazing. She talks about her struggle of losing her baby daughter and visits the Book of Job throughout the whole thing. It's been very enlightening.
In the "about" section they mention that she says that her decision to trust in God is a daily choice, not a onetime sacrifice, and that some days such submission is easier to embody than others. I'm learning this too. I'm trying to follow God closer and more now than I used to.
I have my ups and downs now; some times and days are better than others. I've started babysitting again and it's nice to be around kids that love me. I know God is fully in control of my life as well as Caleb's; and we know that He has a baby in mind for us. We just need to wait on Him and His timing. And we are glad that our daughter isn't hurting and that we will see her again someday in Heaven :-)
We love you dear Alyssa Michelle. Lord, thank you for giving us our own guardian angel and for having her help us grow closer to You!